At Intolerant TV, we watch every new show on network television for the fall season—so you don’t have to. We don’t watch them for long, though. Instead of giving thumbs up/down or a certain number of stars, we let you know how long we were able to stand the pilot episode before turning it off.
We open with the Pretenders on the soundtrack. We’ll also hear Culture Club’s Time and Soft Cell’s Tainted Love in quick succession. So clearly, we’re in the early 80s.
Anyway, Sansa Stark is sitting at a makeup table. We focus on her back, which at first looks like it might be covered in tattoos under concealer makeup but as we zoom it, it becomes clear that she is covered with dozens of scars and bruises.
Sansa puts on makeup and a wig, takes some money out of a box full of rolled up bills, and we get a spoiler from the closed captioning, which says that she speaks on the phone in an “American accent.”
A few seconds later, when she speaks in her British accent, we aren’t surprised like we should be, because … thanks closed captioning. Sansa puts on a fur and gets in a car and credits. This is Joan.
Now we flash back four months earlier, and Sansa is a mom and dressed far less expensively. She lives over a Chinese restaurant. She leaves her daughter with a neighbor—promising that dad will be home shortly—after driving her to work at a bar.
Dad is clearly living a dangerous life, judging from his brand new luxury car, fur coat he surprises Joan with, and his nebulous explanation of how he was able to afford both.
The next morning, she scolds her husband, just arriving home, for leaving their daughter home alone. He’s in a hurry to pack up and leave, though, because something has gone wrong. Hooks are being baited like crazy in these first few minutes, and Sansa is able to reel us in slowly.
An Irish cop and intimidating home invaders (as opposed to the sweet, quirky ones you see so frequently) soon arrive looking for the husband. And I hope you’ve stretched properly, because we about to go through a large number of twists in quick succession.
Sansa takes her child to the government welfare office and LEAVES HER in FOSTER CARE. Then she gets a job with her sister at a hair salon. She ends up getting fired after putting gum in the hair of a rude client. Oh, and she also STEALS a CAR, then lies to get a job at a high end jewelry store and STEALS an envelope of diamonds by SWALLOWING THEM.
So, yeah, we’re off and running with this show. It’s apparently based on a true story of a single mom/jewel thief. It’s also very British, with lines like “See, you’re not so bad when you make an effort. You’re like my missus, just need a little nudge now and then. But she’s got an excuse: We’ve got kids. She’s knackered.”
Her sister asks her, “Why can’t you just be normal?”
“I’m an O’Connell.”
“So am I. No bloody excuse.”
And, of course, the interview for the jewelry store job:
“Do you have experience? References?”
“No, but I’m keen.”
“I don’t need a dolly bird.”
This show is fast-paced, clever and compelling. Throughout the first two episodes, I kept saying, “This is too good for the CW.”
Time of death: None. This one is a keeper.
